Endeavors with Hector
by Life Returns
Summary: FE7 A true story about why Hector is so low level in my file...at the last chapter. Part One in a series called Fire Emblem Follies, true stories about my mistakes in Fire Emblem. Rated for language.


It was Fire Emblem: Rekka no Ken, and I was happy. But then, who wouldn't be? Anyway, I was on whatever chapter Hector shows up in, and lo and behold, there he was, with God by his side. (A/N: Oswin is God.) It was almost angelic. Then I remembered he used an axe. But there were enemies about, those pathetic little red sprites, and Hector slew them all, except for the Eliwood killed. Boo hoo. Poor Hector. Anyway, the chapter ended and that was that.

I proceeded to use Hector with gusto for the next ten chapters or so. Unfortunately, I never used him. With such miracles as Rath and Heath, can you blame me? (A/N: this was also when Oswin was obtaining God status.) So Hector sat idly on the field, twiddling his thumbs and whistling "Together, We Ride!" and waiting for Chaos' command.

But it never came.

Eventually, he was dropped from the party. He was replaced by Oswin of all people, his own subordinate. He was in shock. He cried for hours and only cheered up when Raven hit Matthew into a wall. Then he laughed and resumed crying. He was devastated. Oswin had a serious talking-to when he got back from wherever it was.

Oswin declared that it wasn't his fault, and Hector could not argue with that logic, mainly because he couldn't understand it. So he formed "The Losers' Club," which entailed Raven, Marcus, Heath, eventually, Florina, Lyn, Serra, Dart, and Rebecca until she died, but Wil is better anyway. They hated Chaos for rejecting them. But the CPU did not allow them free will and they could not speak out against her. Not that she cared; she was in awe of Oswin.

Then came Hawkeye. Chaos shunned Hawkeye for a while because Oswin was invincible. Chaos soon realized what a fool she was being at the pushiness of her best friend who adored Hawkeye. Hawkeye turned badass, and Hector was rejected again. But then Wallace showed up. Wallace was useless, considering that Chaos had Oswin. He's causing problems for everyone, isn't he? Anyway, Wallace joined Hector in the Oswin Hater Fan Club, which doesn't make much sense, but whatever. Hector and Wallace were also enraged at their rather juvenile tactician because she had allowed a fellow axe wielder, Dorcas, to die in battle. Dart was also mad because Rebecca was dead. Raven did not have a problem as Priscilla was alive, and he's the lucky one. Even though he was shunned because of Lucius and the trouble that the stupid monk gave her.

One day, Hector was talking to Canas. Canas mentioned that after what had seemed like an eternity, Chaos had upgraded him, from level 20, to a Druid. Hector went into a blind rage and struck down Lucius, Pent, Louise and Erk before Lyn drop-kicked him and knocked him out. Then Rath tied him to his horse and sent the horse galloping. He was immediately punished by Eliwood, who stabbed a sword into his eye. Then Priscilla healed him. Oh yeah. She also healed the other people.

After Hector woke up in the middle of a strange forest tied to a horse and watching the fairies dance (they were pink with purple polka dots), he realized he had to get revenge on the tactician.

But he needed help.

He asked Bartre first. Bartre said, "I can't even read. Why would you want my help?" Hector admitted he had a point and asked Lyn. Lyn responded, "Ah, why not? I mean, I'm four levels above you and have been used more extensively, and Chaos gave me a Heaven seal yesterday, but who cares?" Hector cried. And Matthew hit him. Good for Matthew.

It was around this time that Jaffar and Nino joined the party. Jaffar rather appreciated Chaos because she biased towards assassins. Nino, however, was stripped of her spells, and to add insult to injury, they were given to Erk, the Man Who Couldn't Double Hit For Crap. She joined the endeavor to murder Chaos.

Serra wanted to join but as she never promoted, she couldn't wield a weapon. Ninian was asked, but she responded, "GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!" for she was in dragon form at the time. God knows why.

Oswin told them why. It was because she hadn't had her coffee.

Louise joined the Chaos Killers (Serra came up with the name and the uniform) because, to quote, "That little bitch used that little archer bitch"—here Hector asked, "You mean Wil?" Louise responded, "Yes," and continued, "even though _I_ am a Sniper."

"Well so is he now," said Matthew as he walked past.

"Dammit!" said Louise.

Pent said, "Don't worry honey, it'll work out." Louise punched him in the jaw.

Hector's face got all huge like Haru's (from Rave Master) and carted the bleeding sage to Priscilla. Priscilla asked, "Why's he got arrows sticking out from his chin?" Hector responded, "It's like brass knuckles but with arrows." Chaos, who was walking by, said, "Oh, like Wolverine." Everyone said, "Who?"

So after Pent was carted back to the room, it burned down because Legault was feeling destructive.

Meanwhile, the pre-promoted units had formed a group of their own. This group included Marcus, Isadora, Vaida, Karel, Harken (which is a time paradox), Wallace (technically), Louise was absent, as was Pent, Hawkeye, Jaffar, and Renault. Vaida, Karel, Hawkeye and Jaffar were only there because the others made them (since they were the at least fairly good ones), saying something about "pre-promoted pride." Whatever. Anyway, they made their escape after Harken fell asleep in the middle of a speech about being underappreciated and unused because of unfair prejudice against Heroes, which of course is not true.

Then the party went out again to fight the guy who you fight after Linus, whoever it may be. I can't remember. Ya know, that guy with the Tomahawk.

Hector hoped and prayed and even beat Matthew with a dead rat so he would be picked. But to no avail. Chaos chose Eliwood on his fancy new horse, Rath, Canas, Oswin and Priscilla.

Hector wept. For two weeks he wept, and then Lyn forced him to chug 4 gallons of water to re-hydrate him. He looked like a raisin with hair. And armor. And an axe.

Hector asked Lyn, "Why does she hate me so?"

Lyn responded, "Just drink the water, dammit!"

"Okay," said Hector meekly as he drank it all. "It's just that…well…even you are promoted! I'm the only Lord who's not, and," he sniffed, "she hates me."

"Hector, she doesn't hate you," said Lyn. "She's just got a problem with axe users."

"Oh yeah? How come she uses Hawkeye and Oswin, then?"

Lyn had no answer.

"See, I told you."

Hector ran from the room, with tears anew flowing from his eyes. He marched right up to Chaos, who was sitting there drinking tea, chatting with Matthew. "Oh, hi Hector," said the tactician and took another sip of her tea. "You're crying."

"It's all because of YOU!" he roared. "You never use me, and I…"

Matthew glanced at Chaos. "Well, you gonna do something?"

Chaos sighed. "Come here, Hector." Hector scooted a few inches closer. Chaos patted the confused Lord on the head. "You know what? You're right. I've been an awful bitch lately, haven't I?" He nodded after a moment. Chaos looked angry for a moment, then let it fade. "You weren't supposed to agree with me, but whatever. The point is, Hector, would you like to come with us to fight Nergal?"

"You…you mean it?"

"Of course I do, Hector. You can come with us to fight Nergal."

"Th-thank you!" he stuttered, in shock. "I…"

"You may go," said Chaos gently, taking her hand off his head and sipping her tea. "Matthew, let Eliwood know that." Matthew disappeared in a puff of smoke. Hector ran off happily and disbanded the Chaos Killers, much to Serra's dismay.

"But Hectoooooooor, I made unifooooooooooooooooorms!" she whined. "I sewed them myseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelf!"

"What color are they?" asked Heath.

"Pink!"

Heath picked one up and fed it to his wyvern. "Does it taste good?" The wyvern rolled around on the ground, screeching in agony. "OH MY GOD! SERRA, WHAT DID YOU PUT IN THESE THINGS?"

"Well, there was a pretty bottle of pink perfume so I put it on the uniforms so they'd smell nice," said Serra. Heath led his wyvern out the door, the wyvern puking its guts out.

Hector cleared his throat. "Yes, well, like I said, the Chaos Killers are disbanded. No more shall we disturb her. Them, on the other hand," he said, pointing to the Pre-Promoted Losers, as Karel called them, "are still on the rampage."

The PPL ran into Chaos' room, bearing weapons. Chaos looked up and waved. "Hello, all. What are you doing here?"

"We're here to kill you!" yelled Louise. "You think you can use that archer bitch Wil, huh?"

"Well, yes. Wil is much better than you are," said Chaos, sipping her tea.

"What about ME?" asked Pent.

"You're a different case. You're a pain in the ass, so I use Erk…Wallace is a moron, Isadora can't fight, Harken is…Harken…and Renault? Bah! Lucius could wipe the friggin' floor and two walls with that reject!" Chaos personally thought that Harken was an okay unit, but she never used him anyway as she had chosen Karel. "I mean, come on. Wallace pales terribly in comparison to Oswin, and Isadora compared to Kent? No contest." Chaos snorted. "Good day."

Louise was left speechless. "I…I…"

"You what?"

Dart burst in. "How dare you kill my sister!"

"Oh, shut up. It's her own fault. She didn't move in time. If you could ask Eliwood, I'm sure he'd vouch for me. I _told _her to move, but she didn't listen…and as for Dorcas," she said, noticing Bartre, "I'm…well, I'm not quite sure what happened. But who cares, right? Hahahahahahaha!"

After getting a severe beating, Chaos went crawling to Priscilla, who agreed to heal her if she stopped bugging Raven. So she was healed.

And that, my friends, is why Hector is forced to come along with me for the last chapter, "Light," at level 6, unpromoted.

**Well, how do you like that. It's a true story, guys. By the way, if any of you read "TRDi4000Y," I'm having some issues with both my computer and the original. I apologize for the inconvenience! See you soon. Toni out! **


End file.
